“A get-over-a-man memoir that involves a year of kinky sex parties? Yes, please! I’ll take it any day over a bestseller about a lonely girl traveling the world to find herself and appropriate as many cultures as possible (barf). I appreciated the author’s boldness, courage, and the dignity with which she describes her partners. Most of all, I appreciated her honesty. This book comes with a healthy dose of realism – sometimes sex parties are gross and hilarious and depressing. But they’re also hot sometimes, and oh, was there plenty of hotness…” – Greta Tickle

“This memoir isn’t just glorious smut and flesh. It’s insightful, intriguing and not to mention one of the best looks into the world of non-monogomy (and all it’s intricacies) I’ve ever read. Mia has used her gift with words to give us front-row seats to her journey into social circles that many people wonder about but never get to (or get up the nerve to) experience.” – SD

“I love how freaking New York A YEAR OF SEX is: hustling into cabs, fancy apartments you’d normally never be in, fierce hot women, rolling your eyes at someone’s terrible choice of music. It’s hot, raw, and honest — and that’s why I like it. I can’t wait for the followup.” – Kimmie

“A Year of Sex is not just a story about sex; it is a story about anticipation, exploration, romance, love, heartache, loss and hope. It is a tale about the courage it takes to embrace one’s full sexuality along with both the beauty and ugliness that sometimes come with being true to one’s deepest, darkest self.” – Honey Ryder

“It’s a memoir that’s sexy (and sometimes erotic) with a dash of chick lit, a helping of date-dishing-at-Sunday-brunch, mixed with genuinely helpful advice and tips on things from open relationships to attending a sex party.” – Dangerous Lilly

Now don’t you want to have a read? Find “A Year of Sex – tales from New York City’s erotic underground” e-book on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and iBooks for $4.99. For paperback copy please email me at miaontop @ gmail. More “A Year of Sex – tales from New York City’s erotic underground” here.

Happy reading! xMia

My memoir is signed, sealed, delivered, and waiting for your eyes only. After experimenting with short story narration and podcasting, I’m excited to present this work as a book with a fresh story arch. If you’ve been a long time listener of the podcast, some of the stories will be familiar, but the journey is different. The book also details adventures that were never podcasted.

To further your intrigue and enticement, here is the book synopsis:

Mia Martina wasn’t going to sit around waiting for love to find her when her relationship ended. Instead, she went after it – in New York City’s erotic underground. Mia dove headfirst into the sex-party scene, swinging, spanking, and screwing her way out of heartbreak.

Follow her on an arousing and amusing journey as she tours the sex dens, women-only parties, and S & M dungeons that make up the city’s sexual landscape. By spending a year as a self-identified slut, she learns more about herself – and love – than she could have imagined.

Her wild tale is utterly relatable to even the sexually uninitiated. While at times sultry and steamy, her adventures will have you thinking twice about what role love, sex, commitment, monogamy, kink, and sexual fulfillment play in our modern lives.

Get your copy of “A Year of Sex – tales from New York City’s erotic underground” for the Nook and Kindle ereaders today. iBooks, pdf, and print copies available in the near future.

Please spread the “Year of Sex” word and if you are so inclined, post a review on Amazon or Barnes & Noble. Thanks for your support and happy reading.

xxMia

Much of the discussion centered on the pros and cons of creating work under pseudonyms. It seemed the general consensus was that people would like to not have two identities, but the reality of getting fired from one’s “real job” was far to great to risk. Pamela Madsen shared her story about getting fired from her job once her blog was revealed. She has since merged her identities, produced a book under her real name about her journey, sexual and otherwise, and gave it to her new employer essentially saying, “Read this and fire me if you want. I don’t want this coming out later.” She has remained employed.

It is stories like Ms. Madsen’s that can inspire more to come out. Much can be gained by sex bloggers creating work under their real name. Then the fill in the blank phrase about marginalization could be, “I have a friend who is a: sex blogger, sex worker, in an open marriage, into kink, etc.” With any movement, visibility breeds change. I applaud those who are able to come out from the pseudonym and merge identities and those who never even took up an alias in the first place. As for me, I like having two identities.

Listeners of my podcast might be surprised to know that I am actually a private person. Often I am asked why I would write and record about my sex life. Starting I Want Your Sex just seemed like a natural progression for me. Like most sex positive people, I was the friend that people turned to for relationship and sex advice. I accompanied many to sex shops to buy their first toy. Being open and honest is who I am. And I have strict separation about mixing the personal and professional.

In a work environment, I am not the one talking about all the sordid details of my weekend. For a long time many people I worked with did not even know I was in a relationship. I just don’t bring my personal life to work. If I got drunk, had a fight, or great sex with my partner, you are not going to hear me talking about it at the water cooler. Because I like the separation, it made sense that I would create a podcast under another name. Call me crazy, but it is preferable to me that those I work with do not know how I like to get fucked. Obvious concerns about safety were an issue too. But also having a nomdeplume is cool.

As a kid, I thought it was the coolest thing ever that the author of Silas Marner was a woman and George Elliot was a pseudonym. Granted the fact that George Elliot and, more recently, J.K. Rowling write under masculine or disguised feminine names is more of a comment on how our culture sees gender, but still I like the use of a pen name.

I didn’t remember my middle school desire to have an alias until a year into producing content as Mia. “Well, there you have it,” I said to my thirteen-year-old self with a big grin. “You got your wish.”

In honor of National Coming Out Day, I acknowledge that I do not feel closeted by my pen name. All those close to me know of my smut writing and I even told my previous employer about the ‘cast. I am open with my family about all aspects of my life including my non-monogamous relationship. They celebrate my struggles and victories and they are proud that I call myself a writer because they are writers as well. One day I hope to share some of my work with them. But for now I like to keep the separation with the knowledge that they can’t Google my alias and discover the dirty secrets that I make public.

For now, I will keep two names because I like it. Whether under a pseudonym or not, I will always speak honestly and openly about sex. I started the podcast because I wanted to give people a window into the sex party world and I hoped to inspire others to be sexually open and exploratory, whatever that means for them. I aim to continue doing just that.

Freedom of Fetish Episode 14.0

I have been in Austin for 9 days now and each day I love it more and more. I am shedding my NYC skin layered with grit, stress, and the buzz of continuous movement to a calmer, more silly, and playful me. In NY you work hard and play harder. After 9 years of doing such, I felt a change was needed. It took about a year to figure out what that change would be and I am so grateful to have to opportunity and ability to relocate.

At first I thought maybe in Austin unwashed hair, little make up, and out of it from moving stress was all that a woman needs to get hit on often and everywhere. But the more I spend time in the town, talking to shop clerks, people at bars and the like, the more that I am realizing the Austonians are not hitting on me, they are just welcoming and happy. Happy.

This is the change of life that I have been looking for. It’s not to say that New Yorkers are not welcoming and happy. The kindness and generosity of New Yorkers is more vast than the stereotype leads people to think. It’s more the city itself with it’s constant grind and non stop work ethic: one opens up pockets of time only to fill it with more activities — more work, more drinking, more running from one thing to the next. It gets exhausting and it takes work to unwind in New York, to find some solitude, a moment of peace, a moment to reflect. And that is what one can rely on, moments. What about an hour, a day, a week. After 10 years, the grind wore me down, but I do not begrudge any of my time in New York. I am proud to say I lived in New York for as long as I did and I am proud to say I am leaving before I became so weighted down by the city life that I grew to hate it.

New York City gave me so much. It is a city I will always be grateful to for allowing me to hide and be discovered at my choosing. I reinvented myself several times over the years, sometimes more domestic and suburban, sometimes more drunk and debaucherous. I had four different careers in New York, none of which would have been able to move in and out of without the community I built and the city’s transient and fluid nature.

I will always love New York.

My last months there I walked the streets thinking, “I no longer belong to New York and New York no longer belongs to me.” Now I realize New York and I will always belong to one another, I just needed to shed skins, this time, in another town.

One of the hardest things about leaving New York is managing people’s emotions about my departure. The wise bartender at my old local watering hole said that when he left NY, his friends refused to believe it until he was in the car with all his belongings boxed up and he was waving goodbye. It’s something about leaving a city that is so iconic that makes people question their position in it he said.

I encountered crossed arms and shaking heads of disappointment (no. you can’t leave.), to the envious, to the angered envious, to those who dismissed my move saying that I will miss New York too much, to those who spoke about me in terms of “running away” and “moving on.” To which all I can respond is that this move is by choice and it is one that was well thought out. The running away and moving on comments is harder for me to process because both have negative connotations. I am not running, but leaving. And the moving on phrase makes it sound like one has to leave NY in order to enter the next chapter. I feel strongly that for me, leaving NYC will lead me to better health, I will be a better partner, and at some point, a better parent. Nothing against anyone who manages to do it all in New York. Hats off to ya’ll. All I can say is that I am doing what is best for my partner and me.

I have made this big lifestyle change with my partner in crime, Nate. Since two Nates make appearances in the podcast and even though I worked hard to distinguish the two in podcast Episode #24 “Sex Reporter,” confusion still arises. So here we go.

I am with Nate:
aka the-one-I-lost-my-hetero-virginity-to-at-26, read Nerve piece.
who I lovingly refer to as Boo on Twitter and FB. (again, why aren’t you there?)
not introduced as “my sex party buddy,” but we do attend such events now.
the one who encouraged me to write about my sex party exploits and helped conceptualize the podcast.
the one who broke up with me and who, for many years, I wanted another chance with.
the one who when things were going down with Carmen starting to sniff around again and asked for another chance.
And so we have.

A new chapter has begun.

What is an open relationship? How do you know if you want one? How can you be most successful in one?

Learn the basics on how to communicate your needs and how to be open to the needs of your partner. I will discuss the myths surrounding open relationships (“doesn’t that mean you can cheat and get away with it?”) as well as strategies for successful open relationships. I will share from her personal experiences of experimenting with different types of non-monogamy as well as her professional researching and writing.

This class is appropriate to people who are just considering an open relationship, couples already in one, and singles looking to swing with a couple. You will learn about what makes a relationship open, the varying types of open relationships, the questions to ask yourself and your partner(s), and the tools to maintain a loving relationship.

Bring an open mind. You will be surprised by what you discover.